Old habits…

Its been 47 hours (?) since my last cup of coffee. As proud as i am of this achievement, my assignment depends on this double espresso..

The smell alone is stimulating enough for my mind to start electrocuting my body awake. Feeling my focus aligning with the goal that needs to be accomplished, i am empowered. This might be because the first time i smelled (real) coffee was in an airport and the thought of reaching for the clouds can now be acted out as i work towards my ideal future, whatever that is.

An hour or so later…

Assignment submitted!

Yay…

Since i’ve just moved, everything is still in boxes (including all my coffee). Admittedly, that that’s one of the main reasons i haven’t had much coffee lately. Also, my budget has me on the tightest leash so constantly going out for coffee isn’t the best decision to make right now.

Starbucks easter 2017Forcing the lack-of-coffee induced laziness back, i hunted for some black magic and found…

two of these little fire-starters from Starbucks (this post is not sponsored by the brand at all…) after some sugary indulgence from the Easter basket.

The combination of the chocolate and the coffee helped me feel like the looming deadline wasn’t too bad. And it wasn’t.

Inspiration Strikes

Now, i’m wide awake at 1:10am and wondering why exactly we still celebrate Easter and does the “why” have any bearing on the how? I know for a fact that there are hundreds of people in Cape Town, filling their cups with some sweet intoxication.

*disengage thought before FOMO strikes…

Earlier today, i spent some time at the Waterfront, at a place called Haiku. WOW…

Good food, if a little bit pricey. I’ll remember to work on including my audience in the experience somehow next time, for now, i’m letting myself indulge some of my addictions in manageable ways. That sounds awful but as a mostly-functional adult in this world, i’m actually making progress. There should be a term for coffee infused courage. Since its from Mexico, would it be Mexican courage? I suppose the word courage doesn’t work quite so well there, huh. Focus? Productivity?

Drawing used to be one of my addictions. I stopped for a while. It isn’t easy looking at your work and thinking ‘not good enough’, but with magical Mexican productivity and good music…

About 30 mins later …

Photo Apr 14, 1 39 31 AM

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Falling in love

You’ll notice the feeling of weightlessness
Before admitting to the senselessness
The unending gravity of the situation
Beckons in the manner of an incantation
Pain is pleasure, sublime
Pleasure is pain, in time

Rest assured, this is not the end
Gardens and Orchards, we have yet to tend
Living as man in a forgotten Eden
Dreaming as Gods, in a place still hidden
Love becomes the great equaliser
Desire remains a constant stabiliser

Heaven is a home, forbidden
Star-lit skies are left, unridden
Angels watch in silence for a sound
In their wounded hearts, nightmares hound
Paradise may be lost but love is gained
Pandora did say, all is feigned

Psychology festival of learning

It’s been difficult to come up with material for this blog…which I think is understandable, given the nature of what I’d planned for this blog. Addiction is never easy to admit to, much less talk about jovially and I applaud the people who can. I’ve had a few that I can’t own up to quite yet but once in a while I reach a point where I simply have to let it go and then it becomes something I can own and live through and thrive because of it. One such addiction has been more focused on the brain, I’m addicted to figuring out what I am and I still feel ashamed about it sometimes but I think it’s time to let go of that shame and own it.

I decided to feed my addiction by allowing the good nature of the Universe to lead me to good people who understand that this world needs more carers and their lives become a vote for exactly that. Because of this, I got to attend what I thought would be a blaring affair of amplified instruction on something slightly related to psychology but watered down for the masses (my pessimism has no place to go so I’m taking care of him until he gets back on his feet). This event turned out to be quite the intimate affair. As I walked in, bracing my ears for the onslaught of speakers, I was serenaded toward the entrance by what can only be described as an enchantress. Her singing lulled me into a state of sweet compliance and this continued all through the night. My perspective was changing, coming all this way might actually have been worth. (They had really good food you guys, like, I’m vegetarian so I know good food when I taste it hey, just saying)

The South African College of Applied Psychology(SACAP) hosted the Psychology Festival of Learning and held sessions, almost workshop like programs. I know my being got a real work out in those sessions. On the first night I attended, after gorging myself on the mini-quiches that were laid out buffet style, I panicked at the thought of falling asleep after my little meal but as it turned out, I didn’t have a chance to. The next two or so hours were dotted with short, 15 minute talks that reminded me of those refreshing bursts of spritzer on a hot Cape Town day. From the story of a local hospital(The Lentegeur Spring: Recovery and hope in a psychiatric institution) to conceptual tools aiding conscious change and inspiring us with the story of a man named Andreas Banetsi who saw the plight in his own community for psychological services and is pushing to meet that need with fierce determination. I mean the guy bought a bus and is using it to give people a safe environment to come to terms with their reality and live healthy lives, that’s hero material right there. That was an amazing night. The kicker was using Uber to get home, loved it!

Unfortunately, I couldn’t make it for the full day program on Friday…folks needed me. Forget the food though, the menu for that Friday program was a feast in itself. Anyway…I did sate my mind on Saturday. Also dripping with choice, Saturday gave me an Introduction to Mindfulness(pretty serendipitous if you ask me) and as a beginners guide to walking through a mini existential crisis was Knowing Ourselves as Such. The speakers, Mandy Johnson and Patrick Madden, made good use of the intimate atmosphere and got to know each participant on a personal level, which I feel is impressive, making 8 people(the participating audience) feel instantly at home and gently guide us through such a personal experience without any pressure or discomfort is no little feat. If the levels of sincerity and honesty in that building could be measured the readings would have set records for decades. I’ve never experienced my humanity with so many people in the same space and felt so accepted and whole.

My gushing will stop now, you know how it is when you get your first hit of what you know will be a long and prosperous addiction. You can’t stop thinking about it and I wish I wasn’t a “don’t kiss and tell” kind of guy but I am. Hell, I’ve bitten the apple on this one, probably with the same amount of fervor that Eve did those few years ago in the Garden.

Addiction…

As far as I know, this is a word swathed in negativity and taboo, for good reason too. It implies a lack of control over ones self and the choices as well as functionality as a human being. However, one has to consider that this is simply the opinion of many. It needs not apply to every single case of addiction(I hope you can see that like every addict, I’m building a foundation to defend my addiction, I also hope you can see the mind numbing irony behind my words).

I first realized my slight dependence on coffee when I decided that it would be a good idea to take caffeine pills when I didn’t have time to make coffee. Now, I saw absolutely NOTHING wrong with this. This was a slight progression that did not mean anything. I started taking one every morning, then it moved on to two. As my tolerance for it grew, I got more and more worried, not only that, it limited my ability to drink coffee(you can imagine the effects). This mesh of thought eventually led me to dispose of the remaining pills and tasting coffee again renewed my belief that it isn’t the caffeine I’m addicted to, it is the taste of the coffee, the textures that fill my mouth and the sensations that explode in those few moments before it makes it’s way down my throat and the caffeine takes over.

The moment it hit me that this was an actual addiction was when I had the misfortune of pouring too much coffee in what was obviously a too small cup(I have bigger mugs now) and inevitably, it brimmed over. Noticing this, it came naturally to me to lean forward and lick the spilled liquid off the table and off the side of the cup(it was a REALLY good brew). Once I was done, I realized what had just happened and sat in silence for about ten minutes, coming to terms with everything that ensued. Now that I’ve come to terms with everything, I can enjoy it more, I have no intention of hiding my addiction to the drink or to food. Also, I can write about it, hopefully letting people know that being addicted to coffee is nothing to be ashamed of! It is a human condition to love food and beverages!